Diary of a Fat White Woman

Is Technology Stealing Our Voice?

 

My mind goes back to my youth as I think about an Uncle of mine who would come visit us every month. When he entered the home, you knew you were going to be enveloped in his arms and loved on by him and this brought great anticipation for me each time I would see him.He would also speak to me with great compassion and love, I never questioned his love for me as his niece because he made it a priority to demonstrate his love through his hugs and his words.

 

I was recently introduced to the name Leo Buscaglia who was a "cheerleader for life." I love the image this label delivers! He was quoted as saying "To live in love is to live in life, and to live in life is to live in love." He went on to explain "It's not enough to have lived. We should determine to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely." Only you will be able to discover, realize, develop and actualize your uniqueness. And when you do, it's your duty to then "give it away." 

Fast forward to 2012 and I can honestly say that I fear we are losing sight of the importance of

demonstrating and communicating love.....do you feel this way as well? We only need to look at the decline in family unity, true friendships and the lack of love through human relationships to see that we're missing out on the opportunity to truly experience love in our lives.

 

Don't buy this idea? You may be the exception and if you are, I'd love to sit with you for a spell and learn your secret! But for the rest of the readers, you are potentially part of the group that is leading us away from the act of delivering and communicating love?

Still not in agreement? How about some facts to stew upon for a while......

• There are over 500 million Facebook Users and this number continues to grow
• Facebooks logs over 41.1 BILLION minutes of use each year!!
• United States citizens spent approximately 16% of their total time on Facebook

You may be sitting there reading this and thinking to yourself "ok, so we spend a lot of time online, it's really not that big of a deal." Take a few moments and see how you answers these statements (high five to you if you can answer honestly!):

In the last 48 hours I have:

• Hugged at least two people - Hugging is not just a "chest press"....it's a "embrace someone with firm loving arms and holding on to them for a few moments to show them you care"
• Visited with someone whom I care about (not someone you work with every day or live with, although this is good to do, it's not what we're talking about)
• Sent a card or note to someone you know is ill or going through a tough time AND wrote a personal note in it
• Called someone to talk and find out how they're doing. {Note....how "they're" doing. Meaning, you didn't call to talk all about yourself or to have a complaint session!}
• Paid someone a compliment
• Gone to a quiet place and prayed for someone

So.....how did you do? Did you read the list and say "yeah...like anyone really has time for all that." Or "this is unreasonable and not as important as I'm making it out to be."

 Remember the uncle I mentioned before? I'll guarantee you that he could answer this list with one big resounding "YES" without hesitation!! No special power, no extra time on his hands, no secret skills." My uncle, like Mr. Leo Buscaglia understood the importance of human relationships, delivering and communicating love.

We've got our priorities messed up and until we recognize this, take ownership of it and change, it's only going to get worse.....and that's truth!!

So get off your computer, sign out of facebook, put your phone on silent (or have someone else hold it), and stop texting your words to others......in other words....quit escaping and start living!!! Show people you care about them (you do care don't you?) by delivering and communicating love....it may freak them out when you first do it (if they have never seen this side of you) but they'll grow to appreciate and love you for it.

Don't let technology steal your voice because your voice is only the beginning... what you lose after that may never be recovered......

Theresa

 

"Dear Cancer Patient"

I shared this card and letter on my other blog The Paper Peasant yesterday and wanted to share it here as well. 

My card this week was a purposeful one, as I had previously decided that I was going to create something that would tie in to Breast Cancer Awareness month. You’re probably looking at the “Get Well” sentiment and wondering “how does that tie into it?”

Let me explain the purpose of my card and why I chose to create it……

This “Get Well” card was made for all those who are fighting the battle of Breast Cancer. There would be no way for me to create and mail each of you a card (I would if I could), so please accept my “virtual” card and this letter….it was created just for you…..

Dear Cancer Patient,

We may know each other, or maybe not. We may live in the same town, or thousands of miles apart. I may have walked the halls of the hospital where you were getting your chemotherapy, your radiation or your mastectomy, or, I may not even know the name of the facility or hospital you have been treated in.

We may know each other, or maybe not. Maybe we have sat side by side at the hairdressers; me getting a “new duo” and you getting a new hair piece. We may have shopped in the same department store, me for a new glitzy style, or you for a smaller size dress because you lost so much weight.

We may know each other, or maybe not. It's possible that we both attended church on Sunday, praying to God about our life struggles, asking Him to send an extra dose of love our way. I’m sure our struggles are quite different...yours being much greater than mine.

We may know each other, or maybe not. We may have cried, each with our own families…..me, because I was frustrated with how my life was going, and you, because you were frustrated with how your life was going…..obviously our frustrations are quite different, yours are obviously much greater than mine.

We may know each other, or maybe not. I wish I could meet you, talk with you, shake your hand, give you a hug, cry with you, wipe your tears and fight your disease right alongside you. I wish I could stop at your home or work or hospital room one day and tell you I had the cure and you were going to “Get Well”. I can’t tell you I have a cure because I don't and because I probably don’t know you, I can’t do any of these other things either. I’m sorry for this…..I truly am.

We may know each other, or maybe not. But for today, what I can do is offer you this card and letter, and tell you that it is sent from my heart. I may not know you, but with this card comes a prayer, from me to you; it was prayed especially for you because I want you to “Get Well”.

Please be strong, and on those days when you can’t be, just know that I pray for your strength to one day return. Also know that myself and many others may not know you but we do care about you and we want you to “Get Well.” You are fearfully and wonderfully made and for that, I thank God for the opportunity to pray for you and to send you this card and letter.

By sending you this card, and you accepting it, along with this letter, I’d like to think that you are also accepting my prayers and my friendship. Through this heartfelt “Get Well”, from me to you…….now we know each other and that feels good to me.

My special new friend…..Get Well…….

Theresa

P.S. If you know of someone who should receive my card and this letter that were made especially for them, would you pass it along and tell them I'm glad we have met?

 For additional information, or to become involved with Breast Cancer Awareness Month, please visit the Susan G. Komen Foundation

"The Age of Being UnFiltered"

I'm getting older, from what I am told, this opens up additional permissions for me as an adult, it's like a rite of passage. I get to participate in the hot flash movement, am free to express myself through mood swings and best of all; I am allowed to become unfiltered! If you're under 40, be aware that these luxuries in life are not afforded to you as they are to women of my age {listen to me making myself sound like I've got one foot in the grave!!} but, you are allowed to watch and learn from those of us who have been promoted to the world of middle age womanhood living!!

So, back to being unfiltered......how did I arrive at this point in my life and am I happy here? Well, I know that I have developed a subtle intolerance for ignorance in other people, especially those who are younger and have not reached middle age. Is it just me or are younger people these days lacking in the basics such as common sense, the ability to articulate efficiently and the willingness to shut up and listen to those beyond them in years?

Open mouth insert foot doesn't seem to be important anymore, they just speak what's on their mind without any displayed level of class or intelligence. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for saying what you feel, but have we lost the ability to deliver a message with consideration of the other persons feelings in mind? And to make matters worse, many of us just stand by and let people speak out of turn or disrespectfully without uttering a word in response because we don't want to "offend" or "upset" the other person........do you see anything wrong with this picture?

I'm getting older {I keep saying this don't I?} and I'm realizing that I don't have time to sit idly by and say nothing to those who speak or act immaturely, I just don't have it in me anymore to worry about softening the delivery of my communication for fear of ruffling another person’s feathers. If you're going to say something I don't agree with, or say something out of turn, be prepared for my response.....I can assure you it will be forthcoming.

I'm pretty much over trying to build up my "friends" list in facebook, if you're going to put your words out there for everyone to see and hear, be willing to get an honest response from people like me that have reached the unfiltered phase of life.

So here's my first public unfiltered statement which irks me to no end..... if you're an older adult and your body weight has "shifted" over the years, don't wear tight spandex in public and get upset when you know people are gawking and talking about you!! They're unattractive, inappropriate and unfair to the rest of our eyes to have to see. With all the retail stores out there {and consignment shops if you need to save some money} you can find a pair of real material pants to wear when you're in public. We don't need to play the game of "count the dimples"....

Another unfiltered comment about style while we're on the subject......if you're blessed with an overabundance of fluff on your top end, how about leaving some of it tucked inside of your blouse? If a woman is well endowed, does she have to reveal to the world that she has a 4 inch crease line between her ladies? If your blouse is revealing too much, recognize that you probably need to suck it up and go for a bigger blouse to keep things in check. {And don't even get me started on women who are largely stacked with tattoos showing....aaaggghhhh!!!} We woman have to respect what we've been given and demonstrate some class to the rest of the population!!

My final unfiltered comment is for those who think its ok to butt in with their own advice and opinion about another person’s affairs just because they think they have all the answers {you know who you are!!} Here's the rule we should all follow:::: If you have no responsibility or ownership of the content of the conversation....don't give your advice or opinion! Listen, offer support and encouragement and then...you guessed it...."open mouth, insert foot!!" I may share my life challenges with you but I'm not looking for you to solve them. I do also not need to hear about how you went through the exact same things and as a result of your experience; you hold the answers to all my problems! I am sharing with you but unless I request it....please don't share with me. {This of course excludes family because we are entitled to get into each other’s business...it's out rite of passage}.

I've got some work to do on this unfiltered thing....I really love people and I recognize that we're all in different stages of life and we all have stories to share, I've got my own just like the next person. 90% of our time should be spent listening and 10% talking. The question to ask yourself is "am I using my 10% in a manner that is good for me and others or am I just wasting my air"?

I feel better now......no apologize for my unfiltered post.....I'm getting older.....

Theresa

 

The Battle of the Bra.....

I got this email from a reader and just HAD to share it with you!! Let's see if we can help a sista out!!!  

Dear Diary of a Fat White Woman,

Seriously, if you do not find humor in this for me I will cryyyyyy!!!!!! EVERY one of my bras has shrunk! I try each one on and I look like I have Big boob and Baby boob poking out of the top!! I tried a Victoria’s secret bra that claims to "hold them up" but I literally could not breathe as they were fighting for space with my double chin!

So I decided to run off and just buy a new bra but do you think I could find one without padding..........NOT!!!!! Well, actually I found a sports bra without any but when I tried it on it mashed my sisters and added 40 pounds to my trunk area!!!

Now seriously I’m touting around a set that size in at a whopping 40 DDDDDDDDDDDD..........do I really need padding?? Is there not enough of me in there already without adding additional width? I’m convinced that all the major bra factories are staffed by flat-chested women who envy us busty girls and retaliate by making our lives miserable by adding padding to everything! Don’t hate me because I’m bigger than you up there!!!

This discussion focuses on my undergarments, but can you just imagine my frustration in attempting to locate bathing suits and tank tops? People look at me as if I’m purposefully creating a scene just to shock people but I’m not!

If anyone knows of a way that I can contain my sisters while also getting through my day comfortably, I’m all ears!! (Actually, I’m not all ears…I’m all boobs…but I digress…)

Help me, that’s all I say........If I cant laugh about this I am truly going to cry!! Please find the humor in my pain...
Signed,
An ACTUAL Fat White Woman!

 

Dear ACTUAL,

It sounds as if you have a "large" dilemma on your hands (actually...on your chest!) I don't know if going to Victoria Secret (push-up central) is the place I would recommend for someone in your predicament!

First of all, one problem I see is the material being used to make the undergarments. Cotton?? Seriously?? IT SHRINKS!! But what are your options? Maybe other materials would be better options....

Burlap....too heavy and itchy

Silk....slippery! (yeah, you don't need slippery do you?)

Denim....heavy and not real moveable

Ace bandage...it may be tight, unattractive and leave you sweaty but you just may lose a few inches like hey advertise in those "sweat it off" commercials! (ok, bad idea I guess...)

Go without wearing anything....I daresay this is not the right answer based on your email but hey, some people do this and seem to be ok with it!

I'm thinking "spandex!" It's light, flexible, and from those spandex pants I've seen on some women, it pulls everything you've got in (although, I've also seen some with bulging problems!)

Readers....this ones for you....what can you recommend to help Actual gain some relief? Be bold and share your ideas....her dilemma may be your dilemma as well!

Theresa

 

The Day My Son Died........

The day my son died, my life changed…..forever.

     I believe that is what God intended, otherwise, he wouldn’t have blessed my life with this precious child at all. It’s not always easy to see a loss as a blessing, especially when it’s a child. In the case of Anthony, the blessing was seen....by myself and many others.

     The feelings involved in the loss of a child are just too complicated and deep to explain to the average person, suffice it to say, I firmly agree with the statement that children are not suppose to die before their parents.

 But sometimes, they do.

     I often speak about my son Anthony and the impact he made on my life, while I tend to refrain from providing detail about the day he died and how it happened. I guess that in some ways, I want to keep the detail of that day private as to ensure my children and family don’t experience any undue hurt over something they cannot change.

     On the other hand, silence allows me the opportunity to allow his memory to exist in a way that is more precious to others who hear about him, as well as for those who speak about him. Selfishly, the privacy has allowed me to be alone in my grief at some level, some things are just better left between a mother and her son.

     16 years ago today, my son Anthony died. He was 9 ½ years old and was classified as existing in a “vegetative state.” He had 14 noted diseases, he could never see, hear, walk or talk. With no hopes of recovery, the decision was made to approach the courts in an attempt to allow Anthony the right to die by removing the medical means of support form his body. This included a feeding tube.

     2 ½ years of unsuccessful results from the court system were trumped by God’s decision to bring Anthony home to Him at a time that He had already planned. Another time when God proved He is in total control……

     The 3 day process to death for Anthony was undignified and painful to watch, there was peace in knowing that he was unaware of what his body would have to go through to reach its end point.

     Just as I held my son when he entered into this world, my arms would surround him when he left. He died peacefully, a single tear releasing from his eye as he took his last breathe, as if to let me know, “I’ll be alright now Mom.”

     Just like that, Anthony was gone, and my life changed forever.  Anthony is promised a place in heaven and things brings me great comfort, knowing one day he and I will be reunited. I often wonder what that day will be like, will God allow us to look at each other for the very first time, talk to each other for the very first time, and hug each other for the very first time? Will he allow me the opportunity to tell my son that I love him, and allow my words to be heard for the very first time?

     God is a God of grace, no matter what our reunion looks like, more important is the belief that we will see each other once again and journey through eternity together. This is my ultimate comfort.

     It’s ok to miss those who have gone on before us; it’s ok to remember the special times we shared together. Over the years, my grief has turned to remembering the time I had with Anthony. The experiences we journeyed through were difficult and often painful, but they are now my memories and I cherish each and every one of them.

    For those who are reading this, remember that today may be the only opportunity you have to hug your children and remind them of how precious and wonderful they are to you. You may have a mountain separating you from your child or another loved one. Today may be the day you decide to walk around that mountain and make amends. Life is precious, but we live in a world that God controls, don't put off till tomorrow what you know should be resolved today.

    In loving memory of my son Anthony (“Ampy”) for being a blessing in my life, and one of the main reasons my life was changed forever. You will always be remembered. One day, we will meet again....

 Mom

 If you'd like to share a special thought or memory about Anthony, please leave a comment below, I'd love to read them!

 

 

 

 

 

Things That Go "Urk" in the Night

I'm not easily annoyed but I'll admit that there are certain things in life that urk me. These "urking" items don't necessarily have a pernicious effect on me but they do send me to the edge of unpleasantness if I allow them.

Urk #1: Lazy people

We all need and deserve some down time every now and again but seriously, get off your dupah {butt} and help out every once in a while! If you see someone who is in need of a helping hand and you’re only using yours to eat Cheetos, wipe it off and extend it out. I'm not calling anyone out....if you're reading this and getting urked yourself, you're probably one of the lazy ones. You might want to think about that.

Urk #2: Q-tips

I detest q-tips and all they stand for. Right alongside my disdain for these furry, creepy white things is my disapproval of wooden chopsticks, dish soap and rubber coated items. It's a texture thing I guess, these items give me goose bumps and if presented to me in the wrong way can even make me nauseous. I may seek professional counseling for this one.

Urk#3: Men with ear hair

Can we please purchase tweezers and help a man out?? You can't turn your head and eyeballs in a way that you can see the forest growing inside of your ear  which means someone else needs to step in and offer a helping hand (See available people in urk #1 regarding this). I know, it's a part of life and God obviously meant for hair to grow there for some reason but he also gave someone the intelligence to create tweezers and let's be honest, ear hair and tweezers work nicely together. 

I know I'm sounding a bit shallow at this point and you're probably sitting there reading this, saying to yourself "I bet she's got some major flaws and quirks that urk others as well" and you would be speaking correctly. I'm no white dove, and I know that I have behaviors and mannerisms that throw other people off, {some I'll even admit are intentional just because I can and I get bored}. We all have them, and we're all urkers.

Today, you will probably urk someone off and you'll probably be urked as well. I guess that makes it "Urk Thursday", if it qualifies as a holiday and a day off, I'm in.

Theresa

My Sister & Me...The Watcher & the Dancer

 “Of two sisters one is always the watcher, one the dancer.”–Louise Glück

This is a quote I happened upon some time ago that really spoke to me and has really shown to be true in the life of my sister Debbie and me. Debbie is my younger sister, but only by a few years (this becomes more important as you age I'm finding out!) Yesterday was Debbie's birthday, and as usually happens, I wasn't able to be with her to share in her special day because we live several hours apart. Distance doesn't mean that I didn't think about her because I did, throughout the day.

I've come to realize over the years that Debbie and I are much like the poem above. If you asked anyone that knows us, you would probably be told that Debbie is the watcher and I am the dancer. This isn't a seasonal thing or infrequent really, it's actually shown to be the way I feel we've always been.

Debbie is the one who remembers everyones birthdays, sends cards that arrive on or before the special day. Debbie is the one who keeps communication alive between everyone in the family and is quick to step up to arrange events and get togethers. Debbie is consistent in getting things done.....she is a aware of what's going on and doesn't miss a beat. She is a dancer.

I, on the other hand am the "dancer." I contact on special events as often as possible, although, at times, I let the busyness of the day crowd my thoughts and that call needing to be made or the card needing to be mailed can be forgotten. When family is going through things, I stay in touch but I'm not the person who gets communications out to everyone and stays on top of updates. I love attending family events and will gladly pitch in to get things done but I'm not typically the one called on to coordinate the event. I am a dancer.

Debbie's birthday was yesterday and her gift from me hasn't yet left my house. If it were my birthday, I would have opened my card and gift from Debbie already. It may sounds like I'm being a bit harsh on myself but what I'm really trying to share with you is that I have a sister who has traits that I admire and desire to emulate. Maybe God creates families such as this with each person being different, knowing that placing a person in the middle like Debbie will balance everything out and hold everyone else together. he definitely blessed her with strengths which are also my weaknesses.

I have one thing that Debbie doesn't have.....I have a sister named Debbie, a one of a kind sister who blesses my life and so many others. She is the one with the birthday but I am the one with the blessing. The dancer is appreciating and loving the watcher...

Happy birthday Debbie.....Happy birthday sister.....Happy birthday watcher.....

Theresa

Wedgies Aren't For Amatuers!!

You know you've had one of "those" days right? That pair of pants that you thought would look good with that certain top, only to find out (after you've left for work of course) that the undergarments you chose to wear that day weren't going to play nicely with the pants! All that work to dress in comfort while not losing a sense of style lost to the battle of the wedgie!!

Last week I wore those panties with a different pair of pants and they fit just fine. It's not that they're new, in fact, they're quite worn in, right at the age that you want your panties.....that "just right fittin" age. Then one day, for no reason, other than to cause chaos, they decide to sit off kilter and make you uncomfortable. And they don't just make you uncomfortable for a few minutes, or even, a few hours right? No......they decide to reek havoc the entire day long!!!

The solution? Well, a couple options as I see it.....first, you can throw them out. But we women don't like to part with something that once brought us comfort do we? we're pantie hoarders in some sense I think....we hold on to the bitter end. Second, we could take that extra few bucks at pay day and "splurge" on some new whities (or colories...whatever your preference). I know...I'm create a nervousness in some right now cause we're thinking "how dare we take money away from more important things such as kids needs or food for the family?" Why do we consider it selfish to fill our own need of a small purchase of whities....aren't we important?

Wedgies aren't for amatuers....I should know, I am one. I am defeated and will cast away the wedgie wonders for a new pair of tighty whities next pay day.....and, if I'm feeling sassy, I may even look into that triple pack of fruities at Walmart.....oh....to live so large!!!

Theresa

Denouncing "I Love You.....But"!

Have you heard this prhase recently? It seems that when I become aware of something being said, I hear it more frequently throughout the day. This is a phrase I've heard quite a bit lately and I have to be honest in saying that I just don't care for it.

So why does this one stick in my craw and irritate the Simon right out of me? After thinking about it for a while,. I've come to the conclusion that I don't care for this phrase because of who is saying it and the context in which is it being used. I'm speaking specifically about Christians who use this phrase in their conversation with other christians. There is no specific example to be given (if I did, some would be quite upset thinking it was them I was directing this to), just suffice it to say that if a person is giving "loving" advice to another and this phrase comes up, it comes across to me as a way to soften a negative blow about to be delivered. For example, if you feel that you are of the level of expertise to critique how another CHristian is living their life and the conversation won't be positive, you begin with the softening opener of I love you "but". What follows can typically be described as a critique of the other persons shortcomings which is sure to cause pain at some level. But because "I love you...but" is placed at the beginning of the discussion, it gives free reign to the person speaking because they are now speaking out of love.

Ok, call me crazy but is it ok for something being said out of love have a condition to it? Are we allowed to criticize another person and get away with it beacuse we've prefaced the talk with love? Are we really speaking a message that God himself would speak when we use the word "but" after the I love you part?

Imagine if in various sections of the bible God states that he loves us and then follows it up with a "but." Now I think he would be the only one justified in doing this as he is God but he doesn't do this does he? He speaks truth without condition, he speaks love without condition, he doesn't throw in the conditional words, which we all know, we would be qualified recipients for if he so chose to do this.

So what's the point? Simply this.....when you speak in love, speak in love. Love doesn't hurt, it doesn't cause pain and it doesn't criticize. Words of love that are spirit filled are beautiful and encouraging, not negative and condemning. Watch your words and follow the old adage..."if you can't say something nice....say nothing"!

Theresa

On those days I feel like dying......

 

Have you ever had one of those days that you were so worn out or weary that you just want to drift off into a forever sleep? Of course, you want to wake up from the sleep eventually but you also want it to last long enough that you are able to restore your energy level to normal levels. Can you relate to this?

Some days I am so worn out that I just want to crawl into that quiet place and enter into a deep hibernation with no predetermined end date or time. I've only experienced this over the past six months or so and although it's not something I feel on a daily basis, it has occurred several times.

I'm speaking of a spiritual weariness, one that comes from feeling a deep burden for the current state of our world.  I watch lukewarm Christians around me, going through the "churchy" motions without any visible signs of fire in them. They attend church, infrequently attend bible studies or church functions and offer donations to causes that won't challenge their wallets. Lukewarm isn't hot and it isn't cold, it's just lukewarm.....this burdens my heart and on some days I don't want to live amongst this.

I've caught myself on occasion praying to God about my time here on earth, how long before I get to return to him and leave this lukewarm world. As my spiritual growth matures, I find myself craving more of him and less of the world around me. I have to remember that he has plans for me here and only he is able to decide when I'm to return to my eternal home. In the meantime, I'm to spend my time in service to things that bring him glory. This is not an easy role to take on as I still must exist in the world around me. I must continue to learn the concept of dying to self in order to live for Christ. I'm thankful that God recognizes my weary times and chooses to lift me up and provide the strength I require to continue on.

I wonder where our sense of urgency went. When did it become "acceptable" to be lukewarm? When did we decide that we were willing to settle for lukewarm? I refuse to buy into this mentality; instead, I choose to live loud for Christ and to jump on to the "sense of urgency train" with other like minded Christians!  

Are you coming along? There are always more seats available for those ready to leave the lukewarm world!!

Theresa