I think I officially "crossed over" from unemployed to job seeking last night at about 8:45pm. Now, just hear my out on this before you start calling other people I know to validate my lack of sense here.....I'll explain a little more for you.....
Last night while I was at home with the kids, I had the opportunity to do some reading on the back porch. Without mentioning the book, let's just say it was a "fun" book about a middle aged women who was in her middle age funk phase......hehe While reading, for some odd reason I mentally decided that I was going to "actively" search for employment again as I was already tired of being out of work. It's only been a little over a week, I guess I should have known it would be about that amount of time before I made the decision that I'm not a house mom! Sure, I can cook, clean, care for kids, run errands, chase dogs, etc. etc. etc......but I need to thrill fo work, it's in my blood and I can't turn away form the urge to get back into corporate America!
So what do i do now? My plan for the "what" isn't a clear plan yet. I've got a few ideas but really need to get the resume fine tuned and start researching different industries that offer things I enjoy. I'm sure that whatever I choose to do, it will provide excitement, challenge and rewards!
I'll let you know when I've planned out the "What" ok?!
I'm counting days on unemployment.....should I be doing this? Is it healthy? "Officially" I'm on day 4 of my unemployment journey.....how long do I go before it changes from unemployment to job seeking? Do i wake up one day and decide that I'm no longer unemployed but actively seeking another career? Do I get a certain amount of time that allowable by unemployment etiquette experts for grieving my loss and working through my emotions? Should I be emotional? Should I have rages of anger against those who pulled the career carpet out from underneath me?
There's a part of me that thinks I should be angry and upset at my loss but I'm just not able to muster up this emotion. I had a wonderful job and worked with some pretty incredible people. I loved the company and outside of my own personal opinions about some of the management (or lack of), I'm really quite proud of the work I accomplished in the 4 1/2 years I was there. I made friends that will remain my friends and I gained additional skills that I can use in the future.
I don't think I'll count days on unemployment and I don't think I'll opt for the anger period. What I think I will do is recognize that there are skills that others around me had that I never want to become good at. Here are a few of them.....let's hope you can't relate to them.....
1.) Leadership: If you're going to call yourself a leader, then be one!!! Don't talk about being a leader if you can't understand the concept of becoming "engaged." Leaders "Lead" and they do so by providing the right example. Get rid of the old "Do what I say, not as I do" mentality and guide your people to success, that's what you were hired for!!
2.) Management by fear: This is a tactic that I personally experienced but never became skilled at for obvious reasons. Fear my be the way that you think you can motivate people but all it really does is build a wall up between you and your team and removes any chance of a trusting relationship. Get rid of the statement "Well, if you don't think you can be happy here, maybe you're in the wrong place." Or even better "If you really want your job, you'll do what I tell you to do." Yeah, those statements will get people to rally behind you and make you successful......."NOT"
3.) Falseness (Is this a word??): You've seen this one probably....."I'm going to be nice to you today because I need something from you but tomorrow things will be back to normal." I became very good at knowing when someone wanted something from me because of how they treated me. For some people in management, they are genuine and "consistent," they compliment you and provide stable management so you know they're looking out for your best interests. The ones who get under my skin are the ones who act all sweet and kind because they have a report due and you're the only one who can get them the information. Once you do this, back to Management by fear. If you're doing this...."Shame on you!!!" People deserve to be treated with respect and as the saying goes "You're only as successful as the people that work with you." Don't make them feel like they're beneath you because you have a bigger title and more clout. Karma will get you eventually and you'll be on unemployment as well.......
Can you relate to any of these, I mean, do you manage with these styles? If so, you won't be on my friend list, those are the kinds of friends I can do without......
For those who have experienced the other side of these things, hang in there....better days are always ahead!
therapy session is over....go out and have a great day!
I guess for some, the answer to this question would be a resounding yes! But for me, it's really a "No!" Thursday ended a 4 1/2 year experience with my company as I fell victim to the slump in the real estate market. I think we need to come up with a better way of laying people off......Don't get me wrong, the HR person who had the honors did so with incredible class and professionalism. I hope the company knows the value he brings to the organization and holds on to him!!
I think a nice lunch, some flowers and an hours worth of accolades prior to dropping the bomb would be better received......I know, for many, they just want to go into the cold conference room, hear the speech on how times are tough and it's such a terrible thing but "your position is being eliminated." Not me!! tell me what I accomplished! Tell me how I brought value to the team and because of that value, the company is a better place. Write me a letter of recommendation that would impress any other company looking to secure a talented person.......Maybe I should open a consulting company that teaches people a "new way" of delivering the news......
"Up or out"....that's what an incredible wonderful person told me. Well, I didn't go up so the out is going to have to work for me........
The days ahead should reveal where the "out" leads to.....I hope you follow along....
I have to assume that dieting can indeed cause moodiness, this is not to say that I need something to blame my moodiness on. I'm quite aware of the fact that I can crank out without any help from diet medication!
I started taking a diet pill, (yes dad, it's a safe one) it's very light (no pun intended!) and is just meant to break down fats and carbs from eating. the trick is remembering to take it 30 minutes before eating. Heck, the challenge is remembering to eat!! I'm not one to plan my meals and stick to it unfortunately. I've heard of people who do 4-5 meals a day to control their eating. I have a hard enough time remembering to eat more then one time a time....can't imagine having to remember 4 or 5 times!
I've got hot flashes which I assume is the medication. I'll be working in my studio or doing housework and all of a sudden....bam!!! it hits me and I need to go jump in front of the freezer. The temperature on the A/C must be off (just like the scales!!!)
the cranking must be the diet, I can't imagine wanting to be this way when I'm not dieting. I feel bad for my coworkers....they have to tolerate me all day and they they're paid for this. I guess I'll have to think about buying them cake again....:-()
I'll let you know how it goes.....so far down 7 pounds (ok, so it went from 5 to 7 to 8 to 4 to 7 again) could this be my thyroid??? mmmmmmm.....
Every blog should have music shouldn't it? I visit other bloggers sites and the music, if chosen properly, draws me in and I stay for a while, just to make sure I can finish the song I haven't heard for a while. I like it when they play songs that show my age....back in the 80's was when music rocked!! Ok, so my kids just look at me in amazement, thinking that what i listen to is borderline complete boring!! At least you can understand what my music says!!!
So.....I'm on a mission to apply music to my blog. When in a funk, I can log on to my site and remember how good the old days were........
Feeling the funk page will be the first to get done....it's seems appropriate since it's the page that launched me into public openness doesn't it?
I need suggestions from you. Otherwise, you're going to have to listen to what I like and some of you may not find this a pleasant experience......
Hi everyone! Sorry for not posting until now, it's been so busy around here!!! Kids, house, crafts, more kids, more house, more crafts......see....it's been busy!!
So.....I'm driving home from work last night, anticipating dinner out with family and then designing my mother's day card but nooooooooo.....it doesn't work like that does it? I end up about 2 miles form work and my Miata breaks down.....AGAIN!!! It overheated and stalled, I did get it going enough to limp over to the Walmart and call for a tow. I just got my car out of the shop from having the radiator done and now this!! It's hot out, my car has crapped out on me and this is not in the plans......
Did I enter "funk"?? I think not!!!!
My darling daughters drove all the way to pick me up, the tow driver was prompt and very friendly (telling me I needed to purchase a Volkswagen) NOT!! we drove home, chatting about what's going on in their lives and it was so nice. We went to dinner and I teetered on funk but didn't give in......I decided that I wanted to enjoy the evening and what's the one way I know how to do this in a public restaurant?? You guessed it......I got crazy!!! My kids all laughed and the waiter seemed relaxed and the food was good. Absolutely wonderful!!!
Came home, designed card and even squeezed in my homework. Today, I'm planning on the same kind of day......minus the car breaking down!!!!!
So why tell you all this? I'm not really sure, just wanted to give a "what's up" and let you know that for today, there is no funk.......
Hi everyone. It's early Monday morning, just got one teenagers off to school, several postings done, folded two loads of laundry and now whipping up this post. Does it ever amaze you how much you can get done in the morning when the house is quiet? Had some coffee, pet the animals (3 dogs, 2 cats) and sat down to write up this little diddy.....It doesn't get any better!!
So, about the title of this one "I got bit!" sounds a bit odd doesn't it? I mean, I've been in funk mode and that's what I write about so why all of the sudden something about getting bit? Well, I can assure you there were no bugs involved and I have no welts to speak of, but I've definitely been bit! It's called the "bite of conviction" and I got it yesterday. This is where I am really aware that God has a sense of humor that I can't compete with because my humor is usually directed at others and his is usually on me!
So here's my bite story:
I arose yesterday expecting a typical Sunday of church, house things, time with kids, crafting (of course!) and am really ok with this. My husband is gone already as the church is having their spring musical and he's in the choir and singing in a trio so they get together early to prep I guess. I follow later with kids to the 10:45 service (not a morning person for church so the 8:45 is not for me!)
The special at church is about bringing on the rain and was beyond wonderful let me just tell you! The music was engaging and Pastor Mark (He's the absolute bomb when it comes to pastors who can reach people!!) spoke briefly about what we're doing to be refreshed in God and I can't explain the whole thing because it was done in only a way he could do it. The verse the entire service centered around was Psalm 23 (might as well just slap me upside the head right??) This is the verse that speaks about God always being with us and knowing that we never go through anything alone (funk included). So you've been to church and heard this many times right? We'll ours was up on the big projectors and as it displayed on the screen, phrase by phrase I was in such awe. You know why? It was my husband's voice reading each phrase as it was shown!! I was so drawn in to the warmth and simplicity of it that I didn't realize until towards the end that it was him and this overwhelmed me! I was bit by conviction yesterday in that I realized that the funk was from me, not from others. I create it don't I? And I carry it out on others (I mean really, what do I get from taking it out on myself){{sarcasm}}
My day yesterday was nice. I felt content and happy. I almost lost it at one point but I caught myself, backed up and regrouped (I've heard this is called control....) I didn't want my day ruined. And can you believe I was protecting my happy day from myself ruining it!! I can't even explain this one.....
We finished our day eating ribs, and watching a movie together (We are Marshall) and all went to bed and it was all in all a good day. No telling what today brings but who knows right?
Hi everyone. It's later then normal for me to post but I did the unthinkable this morning......I didn't get out of bed until 9am!!! I'm usually up by 5:30 on weekends, cleaning, doing laundry, crafting, getting into funk mode in preparation of all those who will wake up after me. Last night, I fell asleep on the couch and didn't go to bed until 5:30 and I LOVED IT!!! My son was at one end of the couch, my daughter on the floor, husband went to bed at I don't know what time. Once I'm out there is no disturbing me, I become a log and don't want to be bothered. I always regret it the next day, waking with a stiff neck or my arms asleep from being in awkward positions but it's what i do. And I fall asleep with the television on....learned this from my dad many years ago. It's a family thang!!!
I was giving thought to what defines a person being in a funk and came up with a few thoughts I'll pass on here. Remember, these are my thoughts, not yours so feel free to disagree. Of course, you'll be wrong but you can disagree none the less...:-)
Funk is a state of mind, body and emotion isn't it? I guess in some ways it can be compared to women at "that time of the month" although it is quite different because it's not defined by the calendar. It's a process to enter funk, not waking up one day and saying to yourself or others (because really, you don't share this with them) "Well, looks like I'm in funk today." It's a gradual thing that once started is so difficult to get out of. When I'm in funk I'm sad, but I don't want to be, I get angry, but I don't really want to be angry, and I don't want to be around other people, although I don't want to be alone. My insides become confused, I get anxious, sad, angry, confused, and many other things that just cannot be described. I think it's different for all women depending on what stage of your life your in and what's going on with you in relationships and such. It can't be med-life crises (at least for me) because I'm too young. It can't really be because of my husband, because I think I was in funk before I met him in some ways (But he is a contributor in my opinion). It's not my children because I absolutely love and adore them and love being with them (contributors as well). So what brings it on? What makes it stay and then leave?
Funk for me is having too many questions in my head about why I feel the way I do, why I act the way I act and why certain people have such an effect on me. It has the potential to define my day in some ways because if I start out in a funk, I know I'll end my day in one. But deep down in my very inner core, I want to be happy and content and just can't seem to totally get there. Maybe that's what funk is on a high level. Knowing where you are, not being happy and content and feeling like there is no way to get to these things without giving up a part of who you are and what you have in life.
Was there funk in the old days? How did women deal with this? Or did they recognize it and know it was funk? I think back then they assumed it was a part of life and you just dealt with it. What's that saying? "Suck it up Sally." Maybe we're suppose to just suck it up and is that really right? And why just some women having funk and others not? What's their secret and why isn't it being shared?
I've been scanning websites and blogs this week that are done by women and I can't believe how many are done in such a fluffy way about kids and families and beauty and hugs and kisses. Do people really have this? Do they really live this way? Why them and not me?
I'm not in funk today. I had family over, had a cookout and plan on finishing my niece's graduation cards tonight (go Vali!!!) I don't want funk around me because I want to get along with everyone around me and be at peace. So does this mean I control funk and when needed create it?
This is scary that i would be capable of this type of behavior. And to share it with people I love? What kind of person does this make me. I'm good people, I know this. Maybe it's just that I'm human and am willing to express it. Maybe I really need a trip to a shrink and some aggressive medication.....(Wonder if they have a diet pill that makes you happy...) wow that would be a seller right? haha
I'm off to ponder this a bit more. please give input if you have some. And if you disagree and find this site to be whiny and pathetic, let me know. I'd love to hear form you and add you to my funk list!!
Good morning fellow funkers! (Dang I like how that sounds!!)
Well, the verdict is in (ok, not really a "verdict" per say, just a bunch of middle aged women’s opinions) and it’s evident that funk is bigger than originally thought.
Yesterday, after posting my funk opener, several women acknowledged the existence of funk (one was brave enough to come out of the closet and comment!! Go De!!). I also learned from several women that the funk comes in many forms and at times, is not so easily recognizable. I went as far as to read my posting to my two teenagers and they both shouted “Hey, you do that!!” which validates the few observations of funk that I was able to capture. (What bothered them was me spending the remainder of the evening creating ideas that would brink funk out of the closet such as business cards, tee-shirts, and a possible name change…) I did learn that they don’t want to be known as the “Funker family!!” (Go figure, I thought it would be a hit!)
Can you really decrease funk? I think so! Yesterday for me was a funk decreaser and it came about very easily. But this isn’t about me and what’s going to work for me (ok, it really is but I’m going for the “not about me” appearance today ok??) This is about “your” funk and how you can decrease your funk and become, at some level, a normal functioning member of society once again.
I had further conversation with my friend about a few simple steps for decreasing funk and I think we came up with a few that may work for some of you. Short of causing harm or starting a new medication regimen (again, I want to emphasize that this is not a medical site and what pills you pump into your own body is your business), I’ll try to give a little advice based on what worked for me and hopefully, you’ll chime in some thoughts as well.
Here we go:
1.)Run away: Yes, you heard me, run away. Not like your children do when they’re upset at you being in a funk mode, bag packed with a few snacks, an iPod and a few dollars, a real run away made especially for you. I keep my run aways very short and simple as I don’t have time to go to distant lands where I won’t be found. I run away to Starbucks (Can I say their name on this site without giving proper accolades?? Please go easy on me Starbucks police!!) I got a coffee card which I use 2 times a week by getting a cup of coffee, sitting outside of Starbucks and people watching. (The benefit of the card is you get free refills why you’re in the store!! Go Starbucks!! ) I sit, drink my coffee (tip: get a Grande in a Venti cup which leaves extra room for cream so you’re not dumping it in the garbage to make room and you only pay for the Grande – thanks to the secret Starbucks lady who gave me this tip!) and I people watch. I may acknowledge a few of them, smile a little but mostly, I just sit and watch. When I’m deep in funk, I occasionally put on my IPod and start singing to myself which makes people move away from me (hey, you haven’t heard my voice, it’s not all that!). This is my time and I enjoy it. I leave there and head home in a much more peaceful, highly caffeinated frame of mind which is good for everyone.
2.)Order from a fast food restaurant and when you get to the window where they’re going to hand you your food roll your window up so only your hand can fit through and just wait! Now this may sound stupid (and it is) but it is hysterical and makes you laugh immensely! The person handingyou the food will do one of two things: 1.) They’ll get it quickly and laugh along with you, remember you for the rest of their day and even tell a few people about it, or 2.) They’ll be so dry and without humor that they’ll stand there looking at you just not getting it. But don’t give in!! Stare them down and demand service! Ok, if it becomes apparent that they’re not going to be amused by this, you’ll need to set a time limit for sitting there with your hand dangling out of the window but I’ve never had to give in. Most drive through workers are twisted people themselves and they get it. (Credit to Veto on this one, he’s the master at it!)
3.)Publically humiliated your children: How bad am I? Not bad really, but my children have become use to my public antics and since it runs in the family, it’s become expected (not enjoyed, just expected).Go crazy on this one. Do as my dad would do, grab bread in the store and run down the aisles like a tard, following your children and yelling out how good you did to find the bread (note to self: you’ll need to purchase the bread after if you damaged it). When you go by the freezer section for French fries, jump in!! You heard me, get on up in there and take a break! Yes, it’s cold but the majority of people reading this are probably having hot flashes so what better place to rest? If management asks you what you’re doing, give them an empty stare followed by “Billy said to meet him here and I always do what Billy tells me to!” (btw, I don’t know a Billy but I always liked the name…)Get up, walk away with dignity and hope that you’re not thrown from the store and requested never to return again (although nowadays, it’s not like there aren’t too many grocery stores around right??!!)
I dare you! Pick one and try it or modify it and make it your own. But do something that makes you laugh and feel good and then come back and tell me about it. (I especially want to hear about the fast food attempts!)
I was speaking to my friend last night about where they are in their life and the only thing I could think of that covered what they were saying was "funk". I have to believe that the majority of humans, if willing to admit go through the funk stage in some form or fashion. What's interesting is how you come out of it and who you are when you do.
So, in order to qualify for funk, we must define funk. It doesn't look like anything, smell, talk, eat, (thank god, my kids eat enough in my house!!) but it is a stage isn't it? Age ranges for fun are what? Somewhere between mid 30's to late 40's?
Here's the dictionary definition (hey, maybe you think it's the funk word and it's really something else and you didn't know this because you didn't take the time to look the darn word up!!)
Remember when we were young and we saw adults going through “phases” and other adults referred to them as midlife crises and we always said “that’s an excuse for not wanting to take control of your life” and “I’ll never be like that”. Well step back Nelly, the funk train just arrived and I’m first passenger off!!! (My friend is right behind me….) Yes, the funk exists and it’s a confusing, messy, wanna go away somewhere and hide phase if you get placed in the funk.
So, how do you know if you’re in the funk? We could probably start a list but here are my observations. Now remember, we all experience different funk so don’t think your funk is any better than mine and no matter what, don’t feel any less funkish if your funk doesn’t stand up to mine!
Funk observation #1:
1.)You don’t want to be around your spouse because all you do is argue (now admit it, you’re probably picking most of the fights…) but when they’re not around, you get made because they’re not spending time with you.
2.)You want to scream at everyone that you’re not the only one who lives in this house and therefore, you deserve some help with the housework. Then……when they chip in and help or offer to help, you turn into control freak and tell them to leave you alone, you got it and no one could do it better. (Definitely a funk place with this one!!)
3.)You envision your life without your mate – At this point, we enter the question, regret, do I need medication phase…..No medication is needed (not intended to be medical advice. If you need a pill, go take it by all means). You start the question phase of “why did I marry this person” and “If I get out of this, what would others think” “Crap I went and did it again” (this is for the frequent flyers of relationship breakdown) Regret of losing life, losing yourself, losing time, losing your mind (Remind me later to tell you how I went yesterday to put gas in my already full gas tank!!!) Bottle all this up into one brain that was already is sad shape and you have the makings of major funk on this one.
4.)Wait for the fight and if it doesn’t come…..provoke it!!! Now don’t sit there and look at me on your high horse saying “Why in the world would you do something so horrible??” You want to know the simple answer? “Because I can and I’m in a funk.” I think at times some people (obviously ones more skilled then I in funk phases) would call this sabotage. I call it “self gratification to justify how I’m feeling because no one can tell me how I’m feeling because I keep changing funk mode.” (Deep breathes now…) What’s interesting on this one is you only have certain targets. This could be a spouse, co-worker, neighbor (be careful with your neighbors, you know they all talk). If you are a fight provoker, you’re possibly in the funk phase.
Ok, so this outlines key things to look for and in no way at all tells you how to get out of the funk or deal with it. (What do I look like, Dear Abby??) No one answer will help you honey, it’s a bunch of things that may or may not work and you may or may not feel better at the end of the day as a result of them.
The good news is, there are funk decreasers. Yes, you heard me…..decrease the funk without totally losing it. (What’s wrong with a partial remedy??)
Next posting we’ll talk about remedies. Before then, I’d like to hear more about your funk….
Tootles!
Theresa
I also noticed that you can be a "funker" but didn't really grasp what this was and honestly, I don't know if I want to be or be in a funker.....I have to think on that one. Maybe on Sunday afternoons I'll go into a "funker" so everyone will leave me alone.....I'll ponder this and get back to you.
