Diary of a Fat White Woman

Is Technology Stealing Our Voice?

 

My mind goes back to my youth as I think about an Uncle of mine who would come visit us every month. When he entered the home, you knew you were going to be enveloped in his arms and loved on by him and this brought great anticipation for me each time I would see him.He would also speak to me with great compassion and love, I never questioned his love for me as his niece because he made it a priority to demonstrate his love through his hugs and his words.

 

I was recently introduced to the name Leo Buscaglia who was a "cheerleader for life." I love the image this label delivers! He was quoted as saying "To live in love is to live in life, and to live in life is to live in love." He went on to explain "It's not enough to have lived. We should determine to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely." Only you will be able to discover, realize, develop and actualize your uniqueness. And when you do, it's your duty to then "give it away." 

Fast forward to 2012 and I can honestly say that I fear we are losing sight of the importance of

demonstrating and communicating love.....do you feel this way as well? We only need to look at the decline in family unity, true friendships and the lack of love through human relationships to see that we're missing out on the opportunity to truly experience love in our lives.

 

Don't buy this idea? You may be the exception and if you are, I'd love to sit with you for a spell and learn your secret! But for the rest of the readers, you are potentially part of the group that is leading us away from the act of delivering and communicating love?

Still not in agreement? How about some facts to stew upon for a while......

• There are over 500 million Facebook Users and this number continues to grow
• Facebooks logs over 41.1 BILLION minutes of use each year!!
• United States citizens spent approximately 16% of their total time on Facebook

You may be sitting there reading this and thinking to yourself "ok, so we spend a lot of time online, it's really not that big of a deal." Take a few moments and see how you answers these statements (high five to you if you can answer honestly!):

In the last 48 hours I have:

• Hugged at least two people - Hugging is not just a "chest press"....it's a "embrace someone with firm loving arms and holding on to them for a few moments to show them you care"
• Visited with someone whom I care about (not someone you work with every day or live with, although this is good to do, it's not what we're talking about)
• Sent a card or note to someone you know is ill or going through a tough time AND wrote a personal note in it
• Called someone to talk and find out how they're doing. {Note....how "they're" doing. Meaning, you didn't call to talk all about yourself or to have a complaint session!}
• Paid someone a compliment
• Gone to a quiet place and prayed for someone

So.....how did you do? Did you read the list and say "yeah...like anyone really has time for all that." Or "this is unreasonable and not as important as I'm making it out to be."

 Remember the uncle I mentioned before? I'll guarantee you that he could answer this list with one big resounding "YES" without hesitation!! No special power, no extra time on his hands, no secret skills." My uncle, like Mr. Leo Buscaglia understood the importance of human relationships, delivering and communicating love.

We've got our priorities messed up and until we recognize this, take ownership of it and change, it's only going to get worse.....and that's truth!!

So get off your computer, sign out of facebook, put your phone on silent (or have someone else hold it), and stop texting your words to others......in other words....quit escaping and start living!!! Show people you care about them (you do care don't you?) by delivering and communicating love....it may freak them out when you first do it (if they have never seen this side of you) but they'll grow to appreciate and love you for it.

Don't let technology steal your voice because your voice is only the beginning... what you lose after that may never be recovered......

Theresa

 

The Day My Son Died........

The day my son died, my life changed…..forever.

     I believe that is what God intended, otherwise, he wouldn’t have blessed my life with this precious child at all. It’s not always easy to see a loss as a blessing, especially when it’s a child. In the case of Anthony, the blessing was seen....by myself and many others.

     The feelings involved in the loss of a child are just too complicated and deep to explain to the average person, suffice it to say, I firmly agree with the statement that children are not suppose to die before their parents.

 But sometimes, they do.

     I often speak about my son Anthony and the impact he made on my life, while I tend to refrain from providing detail about the day he died and how it happened. I guess that in some ways, I want to keep the detail of that day private as to ensure my children and family don’t experience any undue hurt over something they cannot change.

     On the other hand, silence allows me the opportunity to allow his memory to exist in a way that is more precious to others who hear about him, as well as for those who speak about him. Selfishly, the privacy has allowed me to be alone in my grief at some level, some things are just better left between a mother and her son.

     16 years ago today, my son Anthony died. He was 9 ½ years old and was classified as existing in a “vegetative state.” He had 14 noted diseases, he could never see, hear, walk or talk. With no hopes of recovery, the decision was made to approach the courts in an attempt to allow Anthony the right to die by removing the medical means of support form his body. This included a feeding tube.

     2 ½ years of unsuccessful results from the court system were trumped by God’s decision to bring Anthony home to Him at a time that He had already planned. Another time when God proved He is in total control……

     The 3 day process to death for Anthony was undignified and painful to watch, there was peace in knowing that he was unaware of what his body would have to go through to reach its end point.

     Just as I held my son when he entered into this world, my arms would surround him when he left. He died peacefully, a single tear releasing from his eye as he took his last breathe, as if to let me know, “I’ll be alright now Mom.”

     Just like that, Anthony was gone, and my life changed forever.  Anthony is promised a place in heaven and things brings me great comfort, knowing one day he and I will be reunited. I often wonder what that day will be like, will God allow us to look at each other for the very first time, talk to each other for the very first time, and hug each other for the very first time? Will he allow me the opportunity to tell my son that I love him, and allow my words to be heard for the very first time?

     God is a God of grace, no matter what our reunion looks like, more important is the belief that we will see each other once again and journey through eternity together. This is my ultimate comfort.

     It’s ok to miss those who have gone on before us; it’s ok to remember the special times we shared together. Over the years, my grief has turned to remembering the time I had with Anthony. The experiences we journeyed through were difficult and often painful, but they are now my memories and I cherish each and every one of them.

    For those who are reading this, remember that today may be the only opportunity you have to hug your children and remind them of how precious and wonderful they are to you. You may have a mountain separating you from your child or another loved one. Today may be the day you decide to walk around that mountain and make amends. Life is precious, but we live in a world that God controls, don't put off till tomorrow what you know should be resolved today.

    In loving memory of my son Anthony (“Ampy”) for being a blessing in my life, and one of the main reasons my life was changed forever. You will always be remembered. One day, we will meet again....

 Mom

 If you'd like to share a special thought or memory about Anthony, please leave a comment below, I'd love to read them!

 

 

 

 

 

"Wanted....Faithful For Enlarged Territories!"

A few years ago a mighty wave rolled through many churches, its ripple effect was felt by many who were open to hearing its message. Do you remember hearing about the prayer of Jabez? 1 Chronicles 4:10 was a prayer offered up to God from a humble man named Jabez “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.”

I listened as others spoke about the impact this verse had on their lives. They were willing to step out in faith, asking God to use them for whatever he desired and then walked in faith to the plan he delivered. How incredibly awesome is that?? Are you one of those people? Did you pray this prayer and then follow God’s answer in faith?

Others, fell to the sidelines, claiming “it’s not the right time” or, “I’m not the one God wants to use for this.” How devastating to know that fear took ahold of these people and the opportunity to demonstrate faithfulness was not recognized!

Each time I hear someone state that they desire to be used by God, to be an instrument for him I get so excited! So many people have awesome stories to tell of how Christ came into their lives and transformed them, charging them up to walk in faith obediently doing what God called them to do. For some, their energy may only last for a while and then slowly, over time a fizzle happens and their once seen passion is replaced by human reasoning to “put things on the back burner, if only for a little while.”  

God isn’t a “back burner” kind of God!!! He’s today…in your face……get busy and do it now!!! You might have until tomorrow but what about the person you were meant to impact today? What if they have no tomorrow? Can you live with that? And who are we to know what the next tomorrow will bring? Or, for that matter, the next second?

Each of us have been called to action, purposely appointed to do a good work in the name of Christ! God didn’t give vacation options or the ability to pass on his work... it’s now or never! The question is, are you faithful or fearful?

Come on….I dare you….pray the prayer of Jabez and then trust in God to enlarge your territory in a mighty way!! God would never bring something into your life that he didn’t believe you were capable of doing would he? Of course he wouldn’t!!

So what about me.....I prayed this prayer and have stepped up in faith to follow God's plan in my life {I'm under construction but desire continued growth!}. I work at a phenomenal church that is growing and shaping me into the person God intends for me to be. I have also recently joined on with a very special cause called "God's Hope Chest for Babies." {{More to come on this!!}} I feel God is preparing me to teach and am ready to get busy when he determines the time is right!

To be saved is to be a part of God’s surfing team!! Pray for an enlarged territory and then brace yourself…..the wave will come and you’ve been designated to catch a ride!

Hope you enjoy! Until next time

Theresa

 

Photographs by Stephen Bivens Photos

"Is My Conduct Worthy?"

Our ladies bible study is working through a study on Philippians right now. Week two has been pretty convicting for me (Philippians 1:27-28). "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel ²⁸without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God."

Am I conducting myself in all that I do in a manner that is worthy? Every action, every word, every deed, even every thought.....am I worthy? I think back to yesterday and all those who I interacted with. Was I an example of Christ-like behavior in all that I said, and all that I did? Unfortunately, I'm embarrassed to say, I fell short of the mark, once again. Several opportunities were passed by that offered me the chance to display Christian behavior, my sinful nature choosing to be less encouraging than I could have been. How did my actions impact another’s life? What did they walk away thinking about my example?

For those times that Christ shown through me, I thank God for His intercession and pray for more of these opportunities. I've got to press on, recognizing that I'm not the expert, nor am I the one who has all the answers. My worldly responses aren't going to benefit anyone if they are not centered on Christ. I've got to continue to grow and to seek forgiveness when I step in front of God's purpose, blocking him blocks all possibility of gaining wisdom and becoming more worthy.

Today is new, opportunities to conduct myself in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ stand before me.....my prayer is for God to help me stand down to my ways in order for him to do his work through me.

Theresa

"What's The Purpose Of Your Purpose?"

We're here for a purpose aren't we? I find it difficult to wrap my thoughts around the concept that some people think we're born, we live and then we die. Can we really look at the miracle of our existence and believe this? We have to be here for a reason, otherwise, what are we hanging around for?

I've asked people on occasion "What's your purpose in life?" Some are quick to answer, sharing why their here, and the significant things their doing in their lives. Too often, many of those "things" involve the size of our house, our bank account and how others view our status." Others tell me that their not sure what their purpose is, thinking that some Divine message will be delivered one day and they'll understand what they need to do to  begin living their purpose.

The answers I really enjoy are from those who jump up exclaiming "Yes! I have a purpose and I'm living it every day!" They then go on to share stories about how much of their past lives were wasted time, living the dream that so many fall victim to. don't get me wrong, creature comforts and feeling secure in being able to provide for family are very important and should be a part of our lives. But that's not what our purpose is suppose to be about is it?

How do you know if you're living your purpose? How about starting out by asking yourself a few simple questions. {Don't lie to yourself....no one is watching!} Think about these questions as a beginning to recognizing if you're living the purpose intended for you:

1.) Am I using my passions as a way to impact others lives?

2.) When i think about the things I do, am I able to say that they positively impact the lives of others or do I think about how much money I'm going to make?

3.) At the end of the day, did my accomplishments benefit me and my banking account or other people?

4.) Do you have any passions or dreams that you're not chasing because you don't have the time or money to chase them?

5.) If your a spiritual person, would God look at you as a faithful servant?

Ok, so how did you do? Feel any guilt? did you think to yourself "ok, I get it, but there's always tomorrow?" Did you breeze through these and end with a smile on your face knowing that you're living the purpose intended for your life? Did a flash go off reminding you that you're in idle and it's time to shift gears?

Our pastor shared last week that too many of us live in idle mode and I can't say i disagree with him on this. In fact, it was one of those times that I know he planned his message knowing I'd be in the audience {he has this power and it drives me crazy!!} But he's right isn't he? we think about what we're really here for, we know in our hearts that there's more to our life and we know our days are numbered but........

But what? so we can have more money in the bank? So we can buy those extra pieces of clothing or that new car or that bigger house? So we can invite friends over to see our "stuff?"

How about we look at the other side of the "bet" for a minute......So we can be away form our children entirely too much? So we can watch our marriages crumble due to lack of attention? So that we can put ourselves further into debt? So that we can miss out on the opportunities to create memories with our families? So that we can miss out on our legacy?

What's the purpose of your purpose if you're not going to live it? Why have a purpose? Why dare to dream? why strengthen relationships? Why Love life? Why live for God?

What gear are you in? Do you know what gear your in? Do you want to change gears? Do you have th guts to change gear?

Care to share? Leave a comment if you know the purpose of your purpose. I'd love to read it! If you don't leave a comment about why. {If you don't care either way, probably not  good idea to leave a comment...}

What's the purpose of your purpose?

Theresa

"I've Crossed Over.....I Think?"

I think I officially "crossed over" from unemployed to job seeking last night at about 8:45pm. Now, just hear my out on this before you start calling other people I know to validate my lack of sense here.....I'll explain a little more for you.....

Last night while I was at home with the kids, I had the opportunity to do some reading on the back porch. Without mentioning the book, let's just say it was a "fun" book about a middle aged women who was in her middle age funk phase......hehe While reading, for some odd reason I mentally decided that I was going to "actively" search for employment again as I was already tired of being out of work. It's only been a little over a week, I guess I should have known it would be about that amount of time before I made the decision that I'm not a house mom! Sure, I can cook, clean, care for kids, run errands, chase dogs, etc. etc. etc......but I need to thrill fo work, it's in my blood and I can't turn away form the urge to get back into corporate America!

So what do i do now? My plan for the "what" isn't a clear plan yet. I've got a few ideas but really need to get the resume fine tuned and start researching different industries that offer things I enjoy. I'm sure that whatever I choose to do, it will provide excitement, challenge and rewards!

I'll let you know when I've planned out the "What" ok?!

Until next time!

Theresa

"Should I be this relieved??"

I'm counting days on unemployment.....should I be doing this? Is it healthy? "Officially" I'm on day 4 of my unemployment journey.....how long do I go before it changes from unemployment to job seeking? Do i wake up one day and decide that I'm no longer unemployed but actively seeking another career? Do I get a certain amount of time that allowable by unemployment etiquette experts for grieving my loss and working through my emotions? Should I be emotional? Should I have rages of anger against those who pulled the career carpet out from underneath me?

There's a part of me that thinks I should be angry and upset at my loss but I'm just not able to muster up this emotion. I had a wonderful job and worked with some pretty incredible people. I loved the company and outside of my own personal opinions about some of the management (or lack of), I'm really quite proud of the work I accomplished in the 4 1/2 years I was there. I made friends that will remain my friends and I gained additional skills that I can use in the future.

I don't think I'll count days on unemployment and I don't think I'll opt for the anger period. What I think I will do is recognize that there are skills that others around me had that I never want to become good at. Here are a few of them.....let's hope you can't relate to them.....

1.) Leadership: If you're going to call yourself a leader, then be one!!! Don't talk about being a leader if you can't understand the concept of becoming "engaged." Leaders "Lead" and they do so by providing the right example. Get rid of the old "Do what I say, not as I do" mentality and guide your people to success, that's what you were hired for!!

2.) Management by fear: This is a tactic that I personally experienced but never became skilled at for obvious reasons. Fear my be the way that you think you can motivate people but all it really does is build a wall up between you and your team and removes any chance of a trusting relationship. Get rid of the statement "Well, if you don't think you can be happy here, maybe you're in the wrong place." Or even better "If you really want your job, you'll do what I tell you to do." Yeah, those statements will get people to rally behind you and make you successful......."NOT"

3.) Falseness (Is this a word??): You've seen this one probably....."I'm going to be nice to you today because I need something from you but tomorrow things will be back to normal." I became very good at knowing when someone wanted something from me because of how they treated me. For some people in management, they are genuine and "consistent," they compliment you and provide stable management so you know they're looking out for your best interests. The ones who get under my skin are the ones who act all sweet and kind because they have a report due and you're the only one who can get them the information. Once you do this, back to Management by fear. If you're doing this...."Shame on you!!!" People deserve to be treated with respect and as the saying goes "You're only as successful as the people that work with you." Don't make them feel like they're beneath you because you have a bigger title and more clout. Karma will get you eventually and you'll be on unemployment as well.......

Can you relate to any of these, I mean, do you manage with these styles? If so, you won't be on my friend list, those are the kinds of friends I can do without......

For those who have experienced the other side of these things, hang in there....better days are always ahead!

therapy session is over....go out and have a great day!

Theresa