Diary of a Fat White Woman

Denouncing "I Love You.....But"!

Have you heard this prhase recently? It seems that when I become aware of something being said, I hear it more frequently throughout the day. This is a phrase I've heard quite a bit lately and I have to be honest in saying that I just don't care for it.

So why does this one stick in my craw and irritate the Simon right out of me? After thinking about it for a while,. I've come to the conclusion that I don't care for this phrase because of who is saying it and the context in which is it being used. I'm speaking specifically about Christians who use this phrase in their conversation with other christians. There is no specific example to be given (if I did, some would be quite upset thinking it was them I was directing this to), just suffice it to say that if a person is giving "loving" advice to another and this phrase comes up, it comes across to me as a way to soften a negative blow about to be delivered. For example, if you feel that you are of the level of expertise to critique how another CHristian is living their life and the conversation won't be positive, you begin with the softening opener of I love you "but". What follows can typically be described as a critique of the other persons shortcomings which is sure to cause pain at some level. But because "I love you...but" is placed at the beginning of the discussion, it gives free reign to the person speaking because they are now speaking out of love.

Ok, call me crazy but is it ok for something being said out of love have a condition to it? Are we allowed to criticize another person and get away with it beacuse we've prefaced the talk with love? Are we really speaking a message that God himself would speak when we use the word "but" after the I love you part?

Imagine if in various sections of the bible God states that he loves us and then follows it up with a "but." Now I think he would be the only one justified in doing this as he is God but he doesn't do this does he? He speaks truth without condition, he speaks love without condition, he doesn't throw in the conditional words, which we all know, we would be qualified recipients for if he so chose to do this.

So what's the point? Simply this.....when you speak in love, speak in love. Love doesn't hurt, it doesn't cause pain and it doesn't criticize. Words of love that are spirit filled are beautiful and encouraging, not negative and condemning. Watch your words and follow the old adage..."if you can't say something nice....say nothing"!

Theresa

"Wanted....Skinny Woman To Wear My Bikini....."

My next advertisement for the local newspaper will read as follows:

"Wanted....Skinny woman to wear my bikini while pretending to be me..." Height must be proportionate to weight (assuming both are perfect), skin tone resembling a copper penny (no spray on tans please), must sport high quality manicure and pedicure (preferably in a shade of red to match the bikini), no visible scars or tattoos (unless your tattoo is my husbands name and tastefully done), long legs that never end, dainty fingers and wrists, a voice that speaks softly while being strong enough for others to want to listen, hypnotic eyes and long soft wispy curls that create a perfect shell around the face.

Those having the following "additional" qualifications need not apply:

Wrinkles of any kind, anywhere....gray hair, crows feet, protruding veins, scars or strecthmarks (including those that you've attempted to cover up with a tattoo - exception: your tattoo is my husbands name and tastefully done), exceptionally long or large ear lobes, double chin, swollen hands, legs, feet (this includes cankles), a deep southern drawl, a wardrobe that has any plaid in it (or any other clothing you've kept with you since high school).

If you have body parts that have been referred to as any of the following, you are unqualified to apply as well:

Muffin top, rhino rump, hippo hips, baby fat, beer belly, tootie fruity bootie, arm maracas (or, arm swings), heifer, jelly belly, chunky, thunder thighs, fluffy, pleasantly plump, large and in charge, tubby, pudgy, rollie pollie, plump, rotund, chubby, beefy, porky, flabby, flubby, big boned or dumpling. Note::if you are aware of any other terms that should be included here, please let me know. I don't want to give the appearance that I'm leaving anyone out....

Would you read this and consider me a vain person? Would you find me to have a lower than normal self-esteem (or the appearance of none whatsoever?) Do you sit at on your side of the computer screen thinking "Now here's a gal that's got the right idea.....she recognizes her "inadequacies" and is willing to shout out to the world "I'm not at all pleased with who I am!"

Now turn the mirror around and take a glance at the person you see. Which part of the advertisement above do you fit into? When was the last time that you long to look like someone else, act like someone  else, have what someone else had, all because you weren't pleased with the body, brains and personality you've been blessed with? How many times have you dieted, exercised and shopped, only to find yourself more depressed about the real you than you were when you began? How many times have you whispered to yourself "If only....."

Some may say it's my age, or, a decreased desire to waste energy on continually focusing on my outside appearance but my perspective on how others view me and how I view myself have changed over the past few years. Sure, I want to be able to dress up, wear a little makeup and smell like fresh flowers every once and a while.....I desire to receive "the look" from my husband when we're in public or even sharing quiet times alone. I just don't seem to be consumed anymore with how my outside self looks these days. Instead, I'm discovering that there's a whole other part of "me" that needs focused attention and work------my "inner self."

My inner self was left alone, without grooming for far too long, but there is still time to dust off the cobwebs and decorate! How I care for what's inside will shine through on the outside, allowing all a glimpse of who I really am....a beautiful and wonderfully made me!

To say that I was anything less than beautiful would be saying that God creates imperfect things wouldn't it? God set me apart before I was even conceived, he designed me, created me and planned my life.....God doesn't mess up with anything he is in charge of, this includes me!

The bikini....well, Goodwill is always taking donations and someone may be able to make it work for them. I love who I am and am thankful for one-pieces!!

Theresa

"Wanted....Faithful For Enlarged Territories!"

A few years ago a mighty wave rolled through many churches, its ripple effect was felt by many who were open to hearing its message. Do you remember hearing about the prayer of Jabez? 1 Chronicles 4:10 was a prayer offered up to God from a humble man named Jabez “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.”

I listened as others spoke about the impact this verse had on their lives. They were willing to step out in faith, asking God to use them for whatever he desired and then walked in faith to the plan he delivered. How incredibly awesome is that?? Are you one of those people? Did you pray this prayer and then follow God’s answer in faith?

Others, fell to the sidelines, claiming “it’s not the right time” or, “I’m not the one God wants to use for this.” How devastating to know that fear took ahold of these people and the opportunity to demonstrate faithfulness was not recognized!

Each time I hear someone state that they desire to be used by God, to be an instrument for him I get so excited! So many people have awesome stories to tell of how Christ came into their lives and transformed them, charging them up to walk in faith obediently doing what God called them to do. For some, their energy may only last for a while and then slowly, over time a fizzle happens and their once seen passion is replaced by human reasoning to “put things on the back burner, if only for a little while.”  

God isn’t a “back burner” kind of God!!! He’s today…in your face……get busy and do it now!!! You might have until tomorrow but what about the person you were meant to impact today? What if they have no tomorrow? Can you live with that? And who are we to know what the next tomorrow will bring? Or, for that matter, the next second?

Each of us have been called to action, purposely appointed to do a good work in the name of Christ! God didn’t give vacation options or the ability to pass on his work... it’s now or never! The question is, are you faithful or fearful?

Come on….I dare you….pray the prayer of Jabez and then trust in God to enlarge your territory in a mighty way!! God would never bring something into your life that he didn’t believe you were capable of doing would he? Of course he wouldn’t!!

So what about me.....I prayed this prayer and have stepped up in faith to follow God's plan in my life {I'm under construction but desire continued growth!}. I work at a phenomenal church that is growing and shaping me into the person God intends for me to be. I have also recently joined on with a very special cause called "God's Hope Chest for Babies." {{More to come on this!!}} I feel God is preparing me to teach and am ready to get busy when he determines the time is right!

To be saved is to be a part of God’s surfing team!! Pray for an enlarged territory and then brace yourself…..the wave will come and you’ve been designated to catch a ride!

Hope you enjoy! Until next time

Theresa

 

Photographs by Stephen Bivens Photos

Brother to Brother..............

I was on facebook tonight browsing all the different posts and comments as I hadn't been on all day {hey...a lot happens on facebook ina day!! hehe}

I came across a post from my 16 year old Son Ryan and had one of those proud mom moments! Ryan has taken an interest in writing poetry and song lyrics, he is very expressive and is really coming along in his talent. Ryan is my "thinker" child, he loves to ponder things, wonder about things and question why things are they way they are. I love his curiosity and inquisitive nature. He is going to be a senior next year and is thinking about pursuing a degree in education or psychology. My little man is growing up so fast!!

Ryan posted this poem on facebook, I'm going to assume he'll be ok with me sharing it. Ryan's poem is written to his brother (my son) Anthony, who was nicknamed "Ampy." You've probably read some things about him on my blog from time to time. Ampy passed away in 1995 in a persistent vegetative state. Ryan was very young when Anthony died but he knows all about his big brother and how wonderful he was. now all these years later, Ryan is remembering Ampy in his own way through his poem:

Never had the chance to talk
Never had the chance to take a walk
We couldn't do what normal siblings do
But that doesn't mean I don't love you
We share a bond that most don't have
...It is something that words can't explain
I wish you were here to share this life with me
To help me with my pain and strife
But though you aren't with me
I believe God meant this to be
I know there is a reason behind everything
But I would do anything
To have my own brother back
So even though we aren't here together
You will have a place in my heart forever
I bet you're in heaven helping me along
Watching all my rights and wrongs
And one day I will be there
It will be you and me
Until then, you'll be in my heart forever
My dear Ampy

Written by Ryan, 16 years old

"When We Believe What The Words Are Saying...."

John Whittier wrote "God is. And all is well." Quite a large statement for so few words don't you think? I like to take quotes such as this and use them in my work but there's more to it than just that. I like to understand their meaning as I find it important to be able to take words and make them applicable to my own life whenever I can. For this quote, the words weren't very difficult to understand, simple in their meaning, yet the message the words are sending is enormous....if we let it be.

I've recently found myself at a place where I need to trust in God and take a risk. He is calling me to do something that is risky, scary and way outside of my comfort zone.  As I step out in faith, I'm learning that this requires a need to walk out the plan God has for my life, whether it makes sense to me or not and whether I agree or not. That's where these words, for me, have the most meaning. "God is. And all is Well."

My faith is such that the "God is" part is not hard to grasp and believe. God is in everything we do, leading us to new opportunities and providing support during the time it takes to get us there. "All is well."....Now there's a tough one to swallow. When I first read this quote, I separated the phrases, feeling that they had two messages but they really don't. Because God is, we can rest in the knowledge that he is in control. Does the quote say "it's going to be easy....sit back and relax, things will come together"? No, it doesn't say that. But it does offer a simple promise that because God is involved, it will all work out.....in his time. I've got to do the leg work, being wise to the choices I make and open to new opportunities, even if there is some fear with this. In the end, as part of God's plan for my life, what I do can be used for God's glory.

"God is. And all is well." I can understand this, feel it and yes, believe it. After all, it's worked out up to this point just as God planned hasn't it?

Theresa

"No More Back-Seating!!"

I consider myself blessed to have been given the opportunity this year to join the staff at Bay Life Church in Brandon Florida. Our family has attended this church for some time now and have grown to love the people and the message Bay Life is sending out to our community. I didn't always look at Bay Life as I do now, more so because of who I was when I first started to attend their church.

I use to be a "back seater" kind of person. You know the type.....get in quick, find a back seat, making sure that I went unnoticed and could make a quick exit at the end of the service (or before that if at all possible so that I could avoid the mess of cars leaving the parking lot). I had a rule that during the "meet and greet" time, I could shake no more than a few hands, after all, shaking hands meant meeting people and I didn't want to become "comfortable" around these Christian folk! If at anytime I became uncomfortable, I could always use the popular “I have to use the restroom” line…..but I had to be careful not to develop a pattern for this (although looking back, I have to wonder, was anyone really counting how many times I did this?) I was the church critique…..seeking out the weaknesses of the church, looking for people who I saw outside of church in less than Christian places, making mention of how loud the music was, how boring the speaker was and how all they wanted was to collect some money to keep their world looking all sparkly to the outsiders looking in. I had them pegged…..or did I?

 
Fast forward to the present and the church critique has been replaced by another kind of person. I have been transformed, through God’s mercy and the example made by the people at Bay Life church. Gone are the days of sitting in the back row……I sit as close to the front as possible for several reasons now. I want to be able to see the Pastor as he speaks, I want to be able to greet as many people as possible (to be honest, I still wonder if everyone washed their hands…) and I want to feel the worship music, desiring to enter into a time of oneness between myself and my God.

What made the big change? All credit for my salvation goes to God, he forgave me and provided a new life for me, free for the taking if I would accept him into my heart and let him be the center of my life.  But there is another part to the story which needs to be told.

My view on church and what it stands for was changed by the example its people showed. I got beyond seeing hypocrites and realized that many of the people I met genuinely cared about people like me. They took time to speak to me, to shake my hand, to give me a hug (I don’t care what anyone says…Christian woman are some of the most fantastic huggers in the world!!!) They loved on me even though I wasn’t worthy of the love and concern they offered. Why would they be this way? Why did they care to give me an ounce of their time? I was the messed up one, you’d think it would serve them best to remain as far away from me as possible, some of my sin could be contagious.... or so I thought. They didn’t stay away, they didn’t walk by me with ignoring eyes, they opened their arms and their hearts and showed me a love I was afraid of yet deeply craved. Their consistency week after week slowly knocked down the wall I had spent years building up. When a piece of the wall was removed, I had no desire to see it again.

I am still a bit anxious at times, an old habit I guess, but I recognize that I need to be accepting of the love being shown me and I too need to show love to others who come to our church. I seek out the back-seaters often, just looking for a hand to shake, an opportunity to talk with them, a chance to show them someone cares. After all, I sat in the seat they now occupy, my prayer is that one day those seats are empty because everyone who would typically fill them are sitting up front with myself and others like me…..we’re front-seaters now….and there’s a way better view from the front seat than from the back!

So to all who serve at Baylife......thank you for caring.....I was one who noticed.....

Until next time…..

Theresa

"A Planted Seed Revealed"

How amazing it is when a seed that was planted is revealed! I'm not talking about flowers or veggies in a garden, rather, of seeds that are much more mighty and spectacular! God loves to see his saints planting seeds; he waters them, nurtures them and in his perfect plan reveals them to us in so many wonderful ways!

 

I beautiful lady told me a story yesterday of a seed she planted several years ago that was recently revealed. I wanted to share this story with you with the hope and prayer that you too will see how God’s work can be accomplished through the planting of our seeds!

 

Bobbie was a lunch room worker at Folsom Elementary School in the Tampa, Florida area a few years back. Folsom is a tough school, many of the children come from difficult situations, their lives exposed to things such as abuse, drugs and broken families. As you may know, these wounded children come to school and much of what they live on the outside of school is brought into the classroom, as well as into the lunchroom.

 

Bobbie is a beautiful Christian woman who worked in the lunchroom, making sure that the children were fed in an environment that was clean and safe. She shared with me that every morning she would wash down the tables and chairs before lunchtime and that while she washed each sitting space, she prayed for the children who would be occupying the seats. I can visualize her walking along, running her cloth across the chairs, sending her requests to God for each child with great concern and compassion. Bobbie told me about how tough her job was, and how many of the kids were unkind to her. Day after day she washed and prayed for the children, and day after day, some of them treated her with disrespect and harsh words, yet she remained steadfast in prayer and faith.

 

Bobbie left the school a few years ago, I can only imagine how tough her job was, I don’t think anyone would look down on her decision to leave after all that she endured. Bobbie attends Bay Life Church which is where my family attends; she also participates in the ladies bible study I attend on Thursday mornings at the church. I’ve come to know Bobbie and to see Christ working through her. Little did I know that the seeds of prayer she planted would impact my own family!

 

The reason Bobbie shared this story with me is because she saw me walking out of church last week with our daughter Jessica and she recognized her. Yes! Jessica was one of the children that Bobbie prayed for while working in the lunch room at Folsom Elementary! Jessica became a part of our family several years ago through foster care and adoption. Her entry into our family was planned by God and Bobbie’s prayers for Jessica were watered, nurtured and revealed!

We all need to plant seeds through our actions and our prayers. Jessica and our family has reaped what was sowed by Bobbie and others who planted seeds of prayer. Imagine how mighty our God is to bless us through the faithfulness of others such as Bobbie!  We are called to be prayer warriors, diligent and faithful with our requests. When we pray, God will hear our requests and will grant favor to those we pray for.

 

I thank God for people like Bobbie, who pray for children like Jessica and continue on in faith, knowing that God will do a mighty work in them!! I shared Bobbie's story at the dinner table last night and was so happy when Jessica let us know that she was aware of who I was speaking about. What an incredible opportunity to share with our children the importance of prayer and faithfulness! I can only imagine how Jessica felt, knowing that she was prayed for, well before she became a part of our forever family!

 

Have you seen planted seeds revealed? Please share them by leaving a comment!  

Theresa

"I Consider it Amazing...."

If I were asked what my favorite Christian song is, there would be no time needed to ponder all the titles in search of the right answer. My favorite song is “Amazing Grace,” as it reminds me of how merciful and amazing God’s love is towards me. The meaning of God’s amazing grace became evident at the bedside of my son Anthony in 1995.

Anthony was born with the message from doctors that death would soon follow. He was crippled and afflicted, relying on medical technology to keep him alive. Three brain diseases, heart problems, cerebral palsy, and a quadriplegic made him a child with no hope. He was blind, deaf, and had no chance of ever walking or talking. His days were spent in a shell called a body, fighting to breathe through a trachea tube, eating through a tube in his stomach, and tackling each infection as it attacked him. He lived in a persistent vegetative state with no hope of becoming “normal”.

Through the life of this precious child, the course of my life would change forever. It was through his life that I realized the meaning of God’s amazing love and grace. Anthony did not need to speak to me, he did not need to hug me and call me “mom”. He did not need to buy me gifts for Mother’s day or smile at me as a child smiles at his mother because he loves her. Anthony gave me more through his silence than I could have ever felt possible. His life, as my son, spoke to me of an eternal life and love that was his, given freely by our father Christ Jesus. He was an inspiration for life, each day to be lived just as God intended it to be.

As I sat on the bed beside Anthony, I knew God was present and was embracing us. How blessed I was to be able to give birth to this beautiful child, to hold him in my arms and watch him take his first breath. Now here I was again, nine and a half short years later, able to once again hold him in my arms, as he took his very last breath in life. God was ever present, as I held him, telling him that it was ok to go, God was waiting for him with open arms. As he took his last breath, I sang softly to him the words from the song that became real to me on that day:

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, the sun forbear to shine;
But God, who called me here below, will be forever mine!

God blessed my life with Anthony, if only for a season, and I thank God every day for this. Through him, I learned not to question God as to why he takes people we love away from us, rather, to give thanks to  Him for blessing us, if only for a season.

 When times get tough and hope seems lost, I think back to the days when Anthony was here and remember that even through the tough times and difficult situations, God is present, faithful, and merciful.  We all have the capacity to live our lives in a way that pleases God; it is up to us to believe in the talents that He has gifted us with and to make a difference here on earth! Not a single day should be wasted….we do not know how many we have left. Now is the time to set the world on fire for Christ!

Just as Anthony was blind, so too was I, but because of God’s mercy and forgiveness I can now see! One day I too will take a final breath and will walk into my heavenly Father’s arms. One day, God will be forever mine!

 

Surviving The Major Holidays After The Loss Of A Loved One

The Christmas season is upon us, becoming evident by all of the decorations and the shift in music on the radio. The holiday season should be one of happiness and joy, whether it's spent putting up the tree and telling stories about each ornament, or participating in the traditional family Christmas party. It shouldn’t be about grief and loneliness which comes as a result of losing a loved one. Unfortunately, for many people, these are the emotions that they will experience during the holiday season.

The first year following the death of a loved one can be extremely emotional and difficult for the loved ones left behind. The traditions that have been repeated year after year don't seem as wonderful as they did in years gone by. It may not be about Christmas day itself, rather, the little things that take place throughout the day that remind the survivor that the holidays will never be the same again.

    I sat down to talk with a friend who would be spending this Christmas holiday by herself for the first time in over 45 years. Her husband had passed away after his long battle with cancer had been lost. They were inseparable for all of those years, never spending a single holiday or major life event away from each other. She shared with me that her memories are what got her through each day, but going through Christmas for the first time was her biggest fear.

Their Christmas together wasn't about the size of the gifts or how many lights were used to decorate the trees. They shared a day with family, laughing, singing and being thankful for the gift of each other. Christmas breakfast was the one and only meal he made for her each year, and it was the same meal every year without change. He fried her two eggs, a piece of bacon, poured her a cup of coffee and buttered a slice of toast. He would bring her breakfast in bed, and while she ate, he would sing a Christmas song to her. This year, there would be no breakfast in bed, no Christmas song serenade, and no stolen kisses under the mistletoe.

I asked her to share with me how she thought she would be able to make it through this first Christmas day without her husband. She paused, and with a small smile on her face she told me, "I'll survive because now I can count backwards." I was lost with her response which she could easily tell by the look of confusion on my face. She went on to explain, "We spent 45 Christmas together. Now I'll count backwards for every Christmas I have without him. When I finish counting, I'll spend every Christmas as well as every other day with him for eternity." This was her way of surviving the one holiday that for most of us would be unbearable to survive.

Counting backwards won't be the answer for everyone but the message being sent with the story is about more than counting backwards. It's about finding a way to make it through the holiday and all the other holidays that will be eventually present. We're all wired differently and we grief differently as well. The holiday won't go away just because we don't want to go through it but future holidays will become a little easier to get through if we find the best way to make it through them today.

Theresa

I'm Just One Of Many.........

    It's amazing how quickly the days pass, seasons change and time flies by! We're approaching the Christmas season, heading into a new Year and it seems like just yesterday that I was rising early to go to work every day. I'm reaching the five month mark for being unemployed and it's starting to really set in that myself and so many others are facing a challenging new year in the world of employment.

More amazing is how the changes in my life have impacted my outlook on who I am as a professional, wife, mother, and now...a grandmother! Friends share with me their own life chapters, some similar to my own and explain the impact of maturity in regards to our outlook on things. They're right of course, as we mature, we see things differently, we rationalize at a whole new {and improved!} level, and we start to recognize the hands of time taking on a whole new sense of urgency. I'm not getting any younger! This isn't a negative thing, I don't fear getting older, rather, I see a greater need, and desire to recognize my prioritize and to give them their needed, and deserved attention.

My faith has grown and matured as well, from a cloud high view, I look down over the past few years and recognize with great happiness all that god has done for me. It's no longer important how much money a job pays, rather, what service am I able to provide and do I contribute value? I'm finally comfortable and accepting of the fact that where I am placed for employment purposes will be a place that is part of God's plan and it's up to me to grab it by the neck and feast on its offerings! It's not about the money {my children squirm when I say this!} I finally get that it's not about the money. It's about working hard, using my talents and skills and being a blessing to others. God will take care of the little details and we're going to be ok.......

A sweet friend recently told me to "be a blessing and God will provide." It seems pretty simple doesn't it? I think it's eloquent and fantastic! I'm glad I'm mature enough to finally get this!

Theresa