"What's Your Story?"

A Fork In The Road......Those Teenage Years

Presently, my life revolves around our teenagers! Their comings and goings, who they're choosing for friends, extra-curricular activities, new and broken relationships and of course we can't leave out "What am I going to wear tomorrow!"

They can keep us busy, drain the energy of life right out of us, cause us to break down in tears when they are suffering and challenge every fiber in our being through their actions and words. If you are a parent of teenagers or, have raised yours up and are now living the life of the "empty nester" I have to  believe that you'll agree with me when I say that raising teenagers is no easy task!

Being a teenager has always been a difficult age in life. It's a time when you leave your youth behind and journey forward to adulthood. It's a time for making the shift from being accountable to your parents to being responsible and accountable to yourself. Your parents won't be your shield anymore, you'll be required to put on your big girl/boy pants and deal with whatever life throws at you and that's not easy!

Being a teenager means that you've reached a pivotal age where you have to have some common sense and strong morals and values if you're going to survive out in the big people world. Sure, you can coast on the shirttails of others for a while but the time will come when you've got to stand on your own two feet. You are captain of your ship.....will it sink or sail?

If you're an adult, you've journeyed through this phase of life and are hopefully where you envisioned you would be. However, for many of us, the result of experiences from our youthful years have muddied many of our adult years. You know what I'm talking about......Bad choices that lead to "unexpected results" or, poor decisions that changed your dream of what adulthood would look like. If you had baggage from your younger years and never dealt with it, and then wandered through your teenage years and added additional baggage to the pile, you arrived in adulthood with too much "stuff" dragging behind you.

  
We always think that tomorrow will be a better day, that we can go to sleep tonight and wake up in the morning with a "do-over card." one day, we realize this isn't how life works and in order to have peace, we've got to unpack some of those bags and sort through the mess called life.

I'm challenging you to do just that in this section of "What's Your Story." Grab your pen and notebook and cast your eyes and mind upon your teenage years. Stuck on what you should be looking to capture? Here are a few ideas to get the memory juices flowing:

• Do you remember your teenage years vividly? What are the highs and lows of these years that you do remember?
• Did you have a special relationship (or, more than one) that you can remember? What made it special?
• Were you emotional hurt as a teenager? Who hurt you and how were you hurt? {note::: be as open and honest as you can, if you can't read your own words then go to God in prayer asking for his support as you work through this}
• How old were you when you first dated? How did the relationship end (if it ended)?
• how old were you when you had your first kiss? What was that life for you?
• Were you involved in any extra-curricular activities? What were they? Did you enjoy them?
• How were your grades in school? Did you have good study habits?
• What kind of music did you listen to during this time? Did your parents approve of it?
• While a teenager, what was your relationship like with your parents? Your siblings?
• Did you attend church? If yes, did you go because you wanted to? Why/Why not?
• How old were you when you graduated? Did you go right into college or did your path lead you in another direction?
• Name a person that you felt was a mentor to you as a teenager?
• What significant "baggage" did you carry into your teenage years from your youth? Did you deal with the baggage in a healthy way or pack it away and move forward?
• Looking back on your teenager years, if you were granted a "do-over" what thing swould you change and why?
• during your teenage years, were you a Christian? If yes, What kind of impact did this have on your life?
• List all the emotional words (shame, anger, loneliness, love, happiness, etc) that come to mind for you when you reflect back on your teenage years.

This list isn't all inclusive but I hope it gets the memory juices flowing! what's important is that we take a good honest look back on ourselves during this time and understand its place in our lives. From there, we can begin to see how our past contributes to the shaping of our present and our future.

Care to share some thoughts? Please comment below or email me. I'd love to hear from you!

Until next time.

 

 

Holidays to Remember.....

Quite often I find myself remembering Christmas past, how different it is now compared to when I was a child. When I was young, Christmas was more about spending time with family, being together and sharing in holiday traditions. The memories I have are not about the presents I received, nor the ones that I gave, rather, they are about the people that I was with and the things that we did together.

Don't misunderstand my words, I love sharing Christmas with my husband and children, in some ways, I guess I desire some of the old feelings to come alive in my older years. Families use to be closer knit, holidays together were expected to be spent with family, sitting around and sharing good food, singing songs and feeling love from those closest to me. We place greater focus now on the gifts and at times forget the true meaning of Christmas don't we?

Our memories of holidays past play a significant role in our lives. Whether they be joyful or sad memories, they are a part of us and we carry them with us through our lives. It's important to create new memories and to also sustain the traditions of the past whenever possible. As we grow into adults and start families of our own, many of us desire to continue the traditions we have grown up with while also starting new traditions with our own families. Whats important is to remember where we came from and those memories that we have of holidays gone by.

If there is one memory of a past Christmas that you could share with your children / family, what would it be? Who was a part of your memory and what role did they play in your life during that  time? Did you receive a special gift that you've never forgotten? Did you eat a certain food that reminds you of the holiday? Did your family share in a tradition that you remember? Have you carried any of those traditions into your adult life? Was there someone in your life during the holiday season that is no longer with you?

When I was young, it was a Christmas tradition to go to my Nana's house for Christmas dinner. She made baked ham and beans, mashed potatoes, carrot salad and always had a pickle tray. Before dinner, we would sit in the living room with my Aunt and Uncle and break open nuts that we in a bowl on an end table. My uncle would joke around with us and calls us children monkeys (he said this in a loving way and always with a smile on his face!) When it was time for dinner, we all gather around the table and my Uncle would say grace and then we would dig into the food. Every year, without fail, my Nana would place a big tray of homemade yeast rolls on the table. These were any yeast rolls though, they were put together in the shape of a tree and had a green sugar glaze on them and were topped with sprinkles. Nana always baked from scratch and I don't remember a single time when she ruined these rolls, they were always perfect, warm and yummy!

After dinner, when the table was cleared, we would all go into the family room and sit around the tree. We would play songs on the organ and everyone sang, then we would open christmas gifts together. It wasn't about t he amount of gifts or how grand they were, I just remember being filled with joy that my Nana bought me special gifts. our aunt and uncle always gave a family a 5 pound box of chocolates which we looked forward to each year. The holiday was about being together, sharing this special day with others who were special to us. For many years, this was how we spent Christmas and from it came some pretty wonderful memories.

Nana has since passed away, as has my uncle. No more family Christmas at Nana's house with yeast rolls, chocolates and organ music.  I miss those days and hold the memory of them close to my heart. With our own grandchildren, I hope that one day we can share Christmas like we did with Nana, so that they can understand what the true meaning of Christmas is all about.

I challenge you to take a little time and capture a few of your memories on paper. These are wonderful stories to share with your children and family and for you to remember for years to come.

Theresa

"Revisiting Your Childhood"

I was spending some time in my craft studio last night, which always helps me work through things in my mind. I find that if I just sit and "think" about things, I'm easily distracted and am not really good at focusing on what I originally set out to focus on. Is there something you do that creates an environment for clarity of thought? Some people like to walk and think, others do their pondering while doing housework (if you're one of these....I've got a house full of work you can ponder in!) Some like to journal as a means for capturing things. We all have our own means by which we process and think things through. God has wired us all differently hasn't He?

While measuring, cutting, stamping and taping last night, I spent some time thinking about my childhood. I thought about some of the good times I remember, and also about some of the not-so-good-times. I grew up with three brothers and a sister, raised in my childhood by my father and grandmother. Now, I'm not too old, but to our youth today, I would be considered "ancient" because of how things were back when I was young. I don't remember talking on the telephone (no cell phones) and the television shows that come to mind that we watched were Little House on the Prairie, The Walton’s and the Lawrence Welk show. My grandmother loved these shows and because she took care of us during the week while my dad was away working, these were the things we were allowed to watch. we played outside all the time as kids, riding our bikes and building forts in the trees. We went ice skating in the winter and took music lessons from a local church lady. Our days were spent together, with siblings and friends, creating fond memories that unbeknown to us, would be cherished for a life time. These were good times.....and yet, they were not-so-good times as well.

My childhood memories also have pain in them. Feelings of hurt, pain, loneliness, loss, anger, and abandonment. Too many sad stories that if given the opportunity; I would choose to forget because sad stories can hurt the heart. These memories are a part of who I am, they are built within me, creating many of the behaviors and attitudes I carry with me today. Some behaviors and attitudes are healthy and have been strengthened and fine-tuned over the years, some are not so healthy and I am challenged to put them into perspective in order to keep them from interrupting the course of my life. Does this resonate with you?

We're going to tap into those behaviors and attitudes, but to do so, we must first spend time capturing the memories. Did you do the exercise from last week? Were you able to identify any cycles in your life that you also saw in your parents? One of my family cycles is brokenness of family units. Divorce and separation of children and family is very visible in my family tree. I hope you were able to spend some time identifying your cycles (they can be positive or negative).

This week, we're going to do some walking through our childhood memories. Don't over think this or you may find yourself unwilling to complete the exercise. Remember that your past is just that....your "past." It's still a part of who you are but it is not your present. If you're like me, you may struggle with being able to capture the memories and emotions. After trying all sorts of creative ways to get through this part, I took some good advice I received and tried it....and it worked! I spend time in prayer, in a quiet place, with pen and paper. I simply prayed for God to help me remember. And when thoughts came to mind, no matter how random they were, I wrote them down. For those memories I wanted to "skip over" I prayed That God would be my strength in keeping focused. Remember, writing words down on paper may be painful, but the words can't hurt you. Over time, through this process, the words will aid in your healing, so it's very important that you be open to capturing things as they come to the surface.

If you need a little help with this part, here's what I did. I started at a young age and wrote down the names of the people I remember being involved in my life. (I used initials to make it easier to write). I began with writing one memory that came to mind. The first memory I captured was about going to Sunday school at a Baptist church. Our classes were in the basement of the building. I remember the dark brick corridors and the cold cement floor. There was a musty smell in the air, and a sense of darkness as I walked to my class. I wrote about the music and the things we learned. I also wrote down the people I remember from that time in my life. If I couldn't think of their name but thought of them, I described what they looked like.

Your writing should focus on your childhood, which for me, went up through the age of 12. Write about what you remember people that were in your life and experiences that were both fond, and difficult. If you struggle with a certain memory, it may be helpful to refrain from writing actual memories and instead, focus on how those memories / events made you feel. List out your emotions (such as anger, sadness, abandonment, loss, resentment). What's important is that you recognize the memory and write it down.

My childhood was one of the most difficult periods of my life to write about. It took me a while to capture my thoughts and emotions from this time in my life. You may be able to sit down in an afternoon and do this, or, it may take you many attempts to get it. For some, you may become stuck in this part of your life. Understand that you don't go through this alone; God is right beside you, walking it out with you, one memory at a time and one word at a time.

I also want to share that I captured some of my childhood verbally, by talking into a hand recorder. Some things were just too difficult to write down, but I was able to speak them so I used this as a means for capturing my memories as well. Some of you may want to video tape, and that's ok too. Just remember to be safe in your process and reach out for support if you need it.

I am praying for you, and for this next step in the process of writing your life story and testimony. I pray that God will reveal to you all you need to work through your childhood memories and will strengthen you during this part of the process. Be encouraged that you aren't alone and you are wonderfully loved!

I’ll stop back throughout the week to offer some “nudges” which I hope will help you continue on in this process. As always, please drop me a note or comment if I can be of any help along the way.

Theresa

Before You Were You

We've all probably been telling someone a story of some sort, filled with excitement, we rattle off the details of the event, when the other person stops us and says "hold on, start at the beginning." This is where all stories begin....at the beginning. It's a good place to begin, especially when you are beginning to form your life story.

So, the question arises, "where is the beginning"? Some may answer that it's when you're born; others may link their beginning to a significant life event that they remember. Only you can determine your beginning, it's up to you where you'll begin your story. You may find that as you work your way through this process that you need to alter your beginning point and that's ok. What's important is that when the time comes to share your story, you are able to start....at "your" beginning.

I began the process of capturing my life story over a year ago. That may seem like a long time and although it took me this long to be able to share my story with others, your timeframe may be different. I'm an analyzer of sorts, I take information, examine it from every possible angle and bit by bit, I begin to put things down on paper. (Had I saved all the paper I used for this process, the tree huggers would not have been happy with me!) My advice to you is this: don't overwhelm yourself with this. If you need to, just sit down in a quiet place, pray for God to empty your mind of its clutter and write what enters your heart. It may be just words, random thoughts, details from significant events, whatever comes to mind, relevant or not, it down. I went back over things over time and doing it this way really helped me.

So where did I begin? I chose to begin "before" my beginning. Meaning, I wanted to understand a little more about the people who birthed me before I wrote about myself. My logic for this may be off for some but for me it made sense. How could I begin to explain who I was and the "cycle" of events that took place in my life if I didn't understand where some of them came from?

Are you scratching your head? Yes, some of my "cycles" were a result of others cycles. My father has his own story as does my mother, and their stories contribute to mine, as did my grandparents, great-grandparents, etc.

Several years ago my two brothers and sisters gave me a little keepsake dish for Christmas. This dish was cute and all but the quote they had personalized on the small container was the purpose of the gift. It read "mirror, mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all." Was this true? Was I going to one day morph into my mother? I think of that saying now and in a sense, it's true, not only about my mother but my father as well. My mother’s cycles merged with my cycles (as did some of my fathers) and many of my behaviors are the result of this merging. Broken homes, attitudes, beliefs, even certain behaviors, these are often learned from those who raise us. You are what you live aren't you? Or are you? Ask yourself if there are unhealthy cycles and do they still exist? What do you see in your mirror?

My challenge for you is simply this:

1.  Look into your history, your parents, grandparents etc. and ask some basic questions. I had some great talks with my father and (step) mom about who they were before I was born. What were their beliefs, any information that helps you better understand who they were.

2.  Refrain from using this as an opportunity to judge others. We've all made mistakes and had times we wished we would have done things differently. Use this as an opportunity to practice your listening skills!

3.  Write down important points that you feel may be relevant to your story. Don't leave things out you aren't comfortable with, this will be important information for you later on in this process.

4.  Identify familiar cycles. What are some things your parents experiences that you've also gone through? Maybe your mom or dads life has behaviors that resemble some of yours. Write about these!

5.  Note::: Make sure you are capturing all of this in a safe place! If you like to write, get a notebook that can be used just for this and keep it in a place you consider safe. If you are a keyboarding person, set up a folder (you can password protect this if you need to) and place all of your writings in the folder. Whatever works for you use it, what’s important is that you have a place to capture your writing. For those who feel they are able to work through this process without writing, I caution you about taking this approach. Writing your life story is a powerful tool, being able to read it over and over again is even more powerful. We’re all getting older and one day you’ll forget everything in your head!

I’m so excited that you’ve made the decision to walk through this process with me! You are wonderfully and beautifully made by God and through you; he has a powerful story to tell! I look forward to our next discussion and to hearing from you along the way.

Theresa 

 Are you joining me and others in this journey? Please comment and let us know!! Any step along the way your words are welcome here.....

 

"A Beginning.....And Before....."

In order to properly launch this blog, I felt it reasonable to begin by getting us all assembled at the same place. In order to begin, it's important that we all have a consistent understanding of several key words we'll be using and how they compare and differ. These two words are "story" and "testimony."

Webster's Dictionary defines a "story" in several ways:

1. An account of incidents or events

2. Anecdote: especially an amusing one

3. A widely circulated rumor

4. A statement regarding the facts pertinent to a situation in question

5. History

 

I then did a look-up on the word "testimony" and found the following:

1. The firsthand authentication of a fact: Evidence (An outward sign)

2. A divine decree attested in the Scriptures (Bible)

3. An open acknowledgement

4. A public profession of religious experience

 

The definition of these words provides a clear difference in their purpose, and yet, for many, there is a belief that in order to share their testimony, they must also be able to share "their story." Whether written or spoken, a story plays an important role in the formulation of ones testimony in that it is often important to share the "before" part of one’s life in order to successfully explain the "How I arrived at today."

The goal of this blog to help you, the reader, in writing, accepting, growing confident in and ultimately sharing your life story and testimony with others. You may be asking "Why"? "Why would sharing my own personal life story & testimony matter"? There is only one simple reason I can give you for this and it lies within the Bible in Revelation 12:11 which says "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death." The first time I read this, I say back and scratched my head and thought "huh"? "What's that all about?" "Who is "Him" and what's the meaning of the shrink from death thing"?

In a very simplistic way, I'll tell you what I took from this verse and why it’s so important to me today (Thanks to a wonderful friend named Carmelita who brought it to light and stirred me to chase down its meaning!) Simply put.....our testimony is our way to share with others how God can take a downcast, messed up, captive sinner and, through a perfected plan that only he could design, delivered said person through it all to a new life richly lived for Him and through Him!

Our stories, shared with others, also share the story of hope, restoration and new life that are possible through a relationship with our precious, loving Father. Well, if that's not enough reason to bring your story to life, I don't know what is!

So....where do we go from here? Only God knows what the future posts and responses will look like on this blog. My prayer is that all who read this, give personal time to thought and prayer as to what their story is and be willing to step out in faith, when God says its time, to share. My prayer is that if you're one of those people, we'll meet again, very soon.....right here.

Theresa